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What to Say
"I'm sad for you."
"How are you doing with all this?"
"This must be hard for you."
"What can I do for you?"
"I'm sorry."
"I'm here and I want to listen."
What NOTto Say
"You're young, you can have others."
"You have an angel in heaven."
"This happened for the best."
"Better for this to happen now before you knew the baby."
"There was something wrong with the baby anyway."
Call the baby a "fetus" or "it".
How Friends and Family Can Help
Listen
Touch
Cry with the family
Offer to furnish a meal, to clean the house, do the laudry, drive the car pool, etc.
Attend the funeral
Provide an evening of child care
Remember them on their baby's due date, birthday, and death day anniversaries.
Never forget
Remembrances that can be Given to the Family
Baby ring
Planters/flowers in a baby vase
Original Poem
Tree or rose bush as a living memorial
Donation to a memorial fund
Needlework
Taken from When a Baby Dies: A Handbook for Healing and Helping
by Rana K. Limbo & Sara Rich Wheeler
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Responding to Grieving Families Helping a Friend Cope w. Loss When Words Won't Come information in our main Grief Information Center |