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People often ask three questions when going through grief:
"Am I normal?" "Am I going crazy?" "Will I ever get over this?"
A better question is whether your grief is healthy. There is, of course, no one right way to grieve. Many of the strangest emotions and thoughts are actually quite normal. But even people who grieve in a healthy manner may have times when they are overwhelmed by their grief.
The following checklist may help you figure out how you are doing. As time goes on, you will find you are answering yes to more and more questions. But if you are not satisfied with how you are doing, please seek help.
- Am I able to laugh without feeling guilty?
- Do I pay attention to my personal appearance - hair, clothes, make-up?
- Do I enjoy being out with friends for an evening?
- Am I feeling pleasure in sexual experiences?
- Am I able to sit quietly by myself and think of things other than the loss?
- Do I take an interest in current events and news - television, or radio news, newspaper?
- Do I feel I can effectively parent my surviving children?
- Am I able to do the daily tasks I'm used to performing - yard work, housework, cooking, household maintenance?
- Do I look forward to outings, trips, special events?
- Am I involved with activities that I participated in before the loss - church work, volunteer work, clubs, sports teams, a job?
- Can I talk about the loss without showing strong emotion - sadness, anger, jealousy?
- Do I feel like the fog has lifted?
- Do I pay attention to my surroundings - beautiful scenery, the taste of food, the smell of perfume?
- Am I able to get a good night's sleep and awaken felling rested?
- Am I able to concentrate on work and conversation?
- Am I less forgetful and able to think clearly?
- Can I recall past events?
- Do I feel stronger and more in control - less like an open wound, better able to cope with others' comments, better able to cope with everyday crises?
- Am I able to deal with everyday life without feeling panicked, frantic, or worried? (Events like a minor injury to a child, someone arriving late, travel.)
- Have I maintained my general health with no unusual weight gains or losses?
- Have I kept scheduled appointments for checkups with my dentist, optometrist, and physician?
- Do I feel that there is meaning to my life?
- Can I look back at what happened and feel that some thing good came out of the tragedy?
by Rana K. Limbo and Sara Rich Wheeler
Click on any of the articles below to read them.
What is Grief?
Am I Grieving Normally?
No Right or Wrong Way to Mourn
She Cries, He Sighs
Surviving the Holiday Season
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What is Grief? Am I Grieving Normally? No Right or Wrong Way to Mourn She Cries, He Sighs Surviving the Holiday Season |