That's pretty much the way one may feel about the holidays after losing a baby. Doing the holiday thing and decorating is the last thing in the world you want to do. Yet, you know you really should do something. You want to do something for your baby's memory, but what? You don't even know where to start!
      We want to help you by giving you some ideas and ways to remember your precious baby during the difficult holiday times. The following are some suggestions only - you may want to try some of them, and you may not wish to do any of them. You may have your own ideas. That's fine. Whatever you do or don't do is your choice. Only you know what you're feeling about the holidays and how much you'll physically want to be involved.
      For someone who's lost a baby, the holidays can be the most trying time to deal with. Some of us don't want to celebrate it at all - we'd like to just do away with it entirely - others want to celebrate but don't know how they'll get through it. There is no easy answer. For the first holiday after a loss, you may not need to do anything. It's okay to do something different. You may just want to be with your immediate family, especially if you have other children. Others of you may feel a need to be with family members rather than facing it by yourself. Whatever you choose to do is okay.
      Some of these ideas are geared to Christmas, but with a little thought, they can be for whatever holiday you celebrate. We hope these things will help you and get you started on your own holiday ideas. ALL of these ideas came from Angel Babies Forever Loved Mommies.

• Make the holidays a gratitude time. Even through our losses, we can always find something to be grateful for. One of the ladies makes a list of at least 20 things her family is grateful for and encourages her guests to do the same. Then they take turns reading them aloud.
  
• Set some limitations. You don't have to participate in everything that takes place. If you normally have holiday traditions, think about leaving some of the difficult ones out and replacing with some new ones of your own.
  
• Find someone else to do something special for. I find that becoming involved in doing for others, gets my mind off of me and my problems, even if it's just for awhile.
  
• Let your family - parents, siblings, etc. - know that you won't be involved in all the normal family stuff this year. If they don't understand, it's their problem, not yours. You have to do what works for you.
  
• If you don't feel like sending out cards - don't! There's no written law that says you have to.
  
• There's not a right or wrong way to handle the holidays.
  
• Don't let people "should" on you. Things like: "You should put up a tree." "You should go see your parents." "You really should get out more. Don't you like the holidays?" Only you know how much you can handle and deal with.
  
• If you have the money, it would probably be easier on you to have someone else do your baking and cooking, especially if this is the first holiday since your loss. Or maybe you have a friend that loves to cook and would do this for you!
  
• Expect to be sad. Holidays are a time for entire families, and it's normal for you to be sad when someone, especially your baby, is missing.
  
• Try to rest more often. Holidays are emotionally and physically draining.
  
• Don't be afraid to ask for help - from your husband, other children, mom, friends, etc. Perhaps someone else could take your children shopping so you don't have to face the hustle and bustle and excitement.
  
• This may be a good time to keep a journal about your thoughts. As you read it from year to year, you'll see how you've grown and how far you've come in your grief process.
  
• If you're familiar with the Twelve Days of Christmas (not the song), this might be something you'd want to do, since it involves doing for others. And they're secretive, who doesn't love secrets?
  
• Make a donation to "Toys for Tots" or adopt an angel tree angel or make a donation to an organization in memory of your baby.
  
• Put up a special tree just for your baby, and have your regular family tree for the rest of the family.
  
• Include a special poem in with your cards that get sent out.
  
• For the signature in the holiday cards, put little footprints, handprints, or little angel stamps to symbolize the baby(s) not with you.
• Donate flowers to the church or synagogue in memory of your baby.
  
• Hang a stocking for your child
  
• Buy a gift for a baby in your area whose parents are struggling financially.
  
• Place a candle for each of your babies in the window. (I use electric candles for this)
  
• Buy a special ornament that reminds you of your baby to go on your Christmas tree. You can do this each year, or just the first Christmas.
  
• Get the clear plastic snap together ornaments and fill them with something that reminds you of your baby.
  
• Write your baby a letter and place it on the tree or at the grave. (or your special place to remember your baby)
  
• Decorate the grave. (or your special place to remember your baby)
  
• Make a special Holiday website for your baby.
  
• This year I will have three angel babies to remember during the holiday season. I am planning to buy three pairs of booties (or maybe even three little outfits) and donate them to the crisis pregnancy center that is affiliated with my Church. This will bring me great joy and satisfaction. - Anne Costa
  
• I have 3 pair of ceramic booties with "October" on them that we hang on the mantle with the other kids stockings. Last year I took their picture and made a copy small enough to fit on a clear glass ornament. I used decoupage glue to attach the picture and sprinkled it with very fine glitter so they would shine when the lights hit them. I also buy a new family ornament every year. Something very special and has ALL of our names or something special about us on it. - Kimberly Dowell
  
• In past years I have bought books on parenting and children's books to stock our church's lending library and donated them in my angel babies' names: Samuel, Hope and now this year, Katie Faith. I love books and reading and it is a way to share this passion with others while remembering and honoring my precious little ones. - Anne Costa
  
• If you have family pictures taken for Christmas cards, wear an Angel pin as a way to include your Angel in the picture. - Dana Brown
  
• Each year, I buy a toy that is appropriate for the age my son would be and donate it to a local charity that gives holiday gifts to needy families. - Sally Strudell
  
• I had some really nice Christmas tree decorations engraved for the first Christmas and now every year I by an angel of sorts for the tree. Some of the cards I sign with a little squiggle angel shape around the family names. - Judi Geenty
  
• Light a candle during family gatherings to represent your child. Wear your child's birthstone to holiday celebrations - Patti Kenney
  
• Something that helps me is to focus on the real reason of Christmas. So we do a Birthday cake for Jesus and sing to Him! When I focus on Him and not my loss, the holiday is much easier.